There’s a bit of a tumult going on over here in Israel right now. No, it’s nothing with the Prime Minister or foreign affairs. It has to do with a new Israeli music sensation Yonatan Razel.
Razel is an Orthodox Jew and lives in the hippyish Nachlaot neighborhood in Jerusalem and, though he wears more standard black & white when he studies in our Kollel, knows how to dress tastefully and fittingly for his performances. And, it turns out, he sits five feet away from me every morning at my ordination program. Cool right?
I spent a few minutes during lunch one day interviewing him for the blog. We sat on a bench and, after I poured him some raspberry iced tea, he started talking. “I always liked classical music when I was young,” he says with only a mild Israeli accent. “I took music in high school and got a degree from the Rubin Academy of Music in Jerusalem. I play the piano, cello, guitar...I am a conductor really,” he says with a jolly laugh and big smile.
Razel conducted in the Ra’nanah orchestra, played in the IDF band, and the Israel Chamber Orchestra. In fact he’s played in Australia, Ukraine, and in New York. He regularly goes to Ukraine to teach music and Judaism to young Jews and he even played in the philharmonic in Moscow, too. But his biggest achievement is that he’s been nominated for the Song of the Year here in Israel. A religious Jew singing about Israel, using sentences about G-d and Torah just might win Song of the Year over here. Unprecedented. Not bad, huh?
But what does this have to do with The Seven Ways? A lot really, and I'll show you why. It all has to do with personality.
Thank G-d, there has been a huge Torah study boom in recent years. An unprecedented number of people are studying Torah on a daily basis and it’s truly awesome. But we’ve reached Stage 2, I believe. In Stage 2, after we’ve established Torah in our lives, we have to look at our personalities and see how we can use them properly to further enhance our lives and our potential. In other words, if you are a Later Chesed and you’ve established Torah in your life and you attend a Yeshiva, maybe you can use your organizational skills to arrange the books in the study hall. If you are a Hod maybe you can handle tutoring people younger than you in addition to your daily Torah and Mitzvos. If you are a Tiferes you should sprinkle Tiferes things into your life.
Yonatan Razel does Tiferes things. He composes, he sings, he performs. So while he learns with us in the morning (and at night and on Shabbis, he told me later) and he uses his G-d given talents to spread joy and happiness throughout the world. He spreads heartfelt music, he teaches, and he spices up our world. That's a Tiferes who's excelling in Stage 1 and Stage 2.
And I know he’s a Tiferes because he’s got the Tiferes sense of humor. One time Stevie Wonder came to Israel and a bunch of people threw him a surprise party. At the party, Razel did a fabulous imitation of the pianist that exactly captured his musical tone and body movements. Stevie loved it.
So a Tiferes that’s learning Torah and keeping Mitzvos *and* using his G-d-given talents to make the world a more colorful place is a Tiferes that’s doing the right thing. That’s why the Seven Ways can help you and the rest of the world. It helps you figure out who you are and what you can do with yourself to maximize your potential. If you maximize your potential you can help the world in so many more ways. And if others maximize their potential you just might end up sitting next to the winner of the Song of the Year, too. Wouldn't that be sweet?
To listen to Razel go to iTunes, order his new CD “All in All” “Sach HaKol” from a CD company, or watch him on one of those video tubes on-line if you know what I mean ;-) . For more info if you speak English Google "Yonatan Razel" and for Hebrew http://he.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D7%99%D7%95%D7%A0%D7%AA%D7%9F_%D7%A8%D7%96%D7%90%D7%9C )
Coming up the next two weeks (G-d willing): “My New Mentor the Yisod” and an emotional story about a boy and his Netzach teacher.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
How My Pants Got Sliced: A Journey Into The World of a Chesed
I walk into a dry cleaner and approach the counter. I won’t tell you which one because of the story that I’m about to tell you. The man working behind the counter is not an observant Jew like myself (at least not yet anyway) but he comes from a community that respects rabbis and Judaism. I can tell because he has no yarmulke on but dozens of pictures of rabbis on the wall behind him and he always gives me a hearty ‘Shkoyach’ to me when I leave the store. (Shkoyach is a shortened version of ‘Yasher Koach’ the blessing/comment that people give you when you descend from reading the Torah.)
“Hi,” I say to the man behind the counter with a smile. “Remember me? I got a delivery right before Pesach and something happened to the pants.”
I toss a pair of black suit pants on the counter. He lifts them up and looks at me through a hole in between the pant legs.
“So what do we do?” I ask politely.
“No, no, this can’t be. Are you sure you didn’t do this to the pants?” I can hear frustration building in his voice.
“I’m positive,” I reply confidently. “My wife and I *always* check our stuff before we give it in.”
“Look, we can sew it!” he tells me.
“No we can’t because look it’s not on the seam. Believe me, my wife is a seamstress. These pants are done. It clearly got ripped from something metal, I couldn’t do this with my foot,” I say pointing to the large, long rip. “And I got them right before Pesach so I was out a suit the whole holiday—and I was officiating at a Shul the whole time! It’s my only black suit, really, so what can you do for me?”
“Listen,” he says *very* seriously. “We did a few thousand suits here and not one got ruined.”
We had a firm give and take for about five more minutes and then he said something that shocked me.
“We must go to the rabbi!”
“What?” I said, doing a double take.
“Yes, yes, we must go to the rabbi.”
I was so shocked I just agreed and left. Go to a rabbi? Of course that’s the right thing to do!
I did a lot of thinking about that whole exchange. What would compel a non-observant person to go to a religious court? Ok, he has rabbis on the wall but when in comes to money there are many people who would just toss me out of their store or deny having ripped the pants. Which rabbi should I take him to? Why don’t I have a back-up black suit? Why did I let my friend give me that tan-colored suit at the end of my closet?
But seriously, why would he want to go to a religious court? And why is he so upset about the rip? Doesn’t this happen all the time? The answer, my friend, is as simple as the first of the Seven Ways.
The dry cleaner is a Later Chesed* person. He comes to work day in and day out and tries his best to do a perfect job. He wants to be dependable and trustworthy and prides himself on his good work. He got so upset not because he’s afraid to lose bit of cash and not because he thought I was saying his work was awful. He was upset because he wants to do a good job. And he is willing to go to a religious court because he wants to do the right thing. He wants to have a wise middle man make the decisions and make peace with his customers. The ‘right thing’ is the hallmark of a healthy Later Chesed.
So after a wild goose chase that included R’ Zalman Nechemia Goldberg, a couple of rabbis from a local seminary and my Rosh Kollel HaRav Yitzchak Berkovitz (ask me about it the next time I speak to you) the dry cleaner accepted the P’sak (Jewish law decision) to give me credit at his store. Jewish law states that a damager must pay for the depreciation in value that he caused the given object through his damaging. My pants went from being worth $10 on the market to about $0. He gave me much more than that in credit. So as far as I was concerned that was a great deal because those pants were on their last legs anyway.
So whenever you go out shopping or you sell things to people, try and do the right thing. Being obstinate and pushy to try and save a few bucks is useless—you’ll just lose a lot more money and customers in the process. Just be patient and do the extra work when it’s necessary.
As for me, I’m finally getting a new suit this week. Just in case, maybe I’ll get two. Or maybe I should dye the tan one in the corner? But what if my friend asks me where it is? If he does I guess I’ll just tell him the story.
Rabbi Bailey
*A Later Chesed is someone who has Chesed as their primary personality and Gevurah, Tiferes, Netzach, Hod, Yisod or Malchus as their secondary one. Earlier Cheseds have Chesed as their secondary.
“Hi,” I say to the man behind the counter with a smile. “Remember me? I got a delivery right before Pesach and something happened to the pants.”
I toss a pair of black suit pants on the counter. He lifts them up and looks at me through a hole in between the pant legs.
“So what do we do?” I ask politely.
“No, no, this can’t be. Are you sure you didn’t do this to the pants?” I can hear frustration building in his voice.
“I’m positive,” I reply confidently. “My wife and I *always* check our stuff before we give it in.”
“Look, we can sew it!” he tells me.
“No we can’t because look it’s not on the seam. Believe me, my wife is a seamstress. These pants are done. It clearly got ripped from something metal, I couldn’t do this with my foot,” I say pointing to the large, long rip. “And I got them right before Pesach so I was out a suit the whole holiday—and I was officiating at a Shul the whole time! It’s my only black suit, really, so what can you do for me?”
“Listen,” he says *very* seriously. “We did a few thousand suits here and not one got ruined.”
We had a firm give and take for about five more minutes and then he said something that shocked me.
“We must go to the rabbi!”
“What?” I said, doing a double take.
“Yes, yes, we must go to the rabbi.”
I was so shocked I just agreed and left. Go to a rabbi? Of course that’s the right thing to do!
I did a lot of thinking about that whole exchange. What would compel a non-observant person to go to a religious court? Ok, he has rabbis on the wall but when in comes to money there are many people who would just toss me out of their store or deny having ripped the pants. Which rabbi should I take him to? Why don’t I have a back-up black suit? Why did I let my friend give me that tan-colored suit at the end of my closet?
But seriously, why would he want to go to a religious court? And why is he so upset about the rip? Doesn’t this happen all the time? The answer, my friend, is as simple as the first of the Seven Ways.
The dry cleaner is a Later Chesed* person. He comes to work day in and day out and tries his best to do a perfect job. He wants to be dependable and trustworthy and prides himself on his good work. He got so upset not because he’s afraid to lose bit of cash and not because he thought I was saying his work was awful. He was upset because he wants to do a good job. And he is willing to go to a religious court because he wants to do the right thing. He wants to have a wise middle man make the decisions and make peace with his customers. The ‘right thing’ is the hallmark of a healthy Later Chesed.
So after a wild goose chase that included R’ Zalman Nechemia Goldberg, a couple of rabbis from a local seminary and my Rosh Kollel HaRav Yitzchak Berkovitz (ask me about it the next time I speak to you) the dry cleaner accepted the P’sak (Jewish law decision) to give me credit at his store. Jewish law states that a damager must pay for the depreciation in value that he caused the given object through his damaging. My pants went from being worth $10 on the market to about $0. He gave me much more than that in credit. So as far as I was concerned that was a great deal because those pants were on their last legs anyway.
So whenever you go out shopping or you sell things to people, try and do the right thing. Being obstinate and pushy to try and save a few bucks is useless—you’ll just lose a lot more money and customers in the process. Just be patient and do the extra work when it’s necessary.
As for me, I’m finally getting a new suit this week. Just in case, maybe I’ll get two. Or maybe I should dye the tan one in the corner? But what if my friend asks me where it is? If he does I guess I’ll just tell him the story.
Rabbi Bailey
*A Later Chesed is someone who has Chesed as their primary personality and Gevurah, Tiferes, Netzach, Hod, Yisod or Malchus as their secondary one. Earlier Cheseds have Chesed as their secondary.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
From Anonymous
Anonymous said...
"interesting as i own a shop and what you have stated here had a very true ring.
sls"
Yes, sls is right. If you want to be successful in business it pays to do Yisod acts and make Yisod relationships just like in my last post. My family owns a grocery store and my uncle wisely spends a good amount of his busy day being friendly and making real relationships with people. Not ‘slap you on the back and pretend I’m your friend’ relationships but real relationships and everyone wins. My uncle sells them the food they want and they have their own businesses and connections to contribute. It’s a win-win situation.
Thanks for the great comment, they're always welcome!
"interesting as i own a shop and what you have stated here had a very true ring.
sls"
Yes, sls is right. If you want to be successful in business it pays to do Yisod acts and make Yisod relationships just like in my last post. My family owns a grocery store and my uncle wisely spends a good amount of his busy day being friendly and making real relationships with people. Not ‘slap you on the back and pretend I’m your friend’ relationships but real relationships and everyone wins. My uncle sells them the food they want and they have their own businesses and connections to contribute. It’s a win-win situation.
Thanks for the great comment, they're always welcome!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Yisod #2 and How I Got To Punches Number 5 & 6
I promised you a positive Yisod story so here's how it goes.
I walk into a bagel shop and approach the counter. The shop is very clean and is decorated with deep red colors. I see someone behind the counter who I’ve never seen before and, from the lack of employees behind the counter, it appears that he’ll be helping me today.
“Hi, what’s your name?” I say with a big smile.
“Jason*,” he says back a bit timidly.
“Hi, Jason it’s nice to meet you, are you new here?”
“Yes, it’s my first day.”
“Really, how’s it been so far?”
“Well, you’re my first customer!”
“Really, wow!”
I slowly and clearly tell Jason what I want, he makes it, and I leave with a warm ‘thank you.’
But that’s not the end of the story; otherwise it would be more of a simple Hod story and not a Yisod one. Yes, it’s good to be Hod and nice and polite, but there’s a Yisod lesson here, too.
When I got home I realized that I forgot to stamp my bagel card, y’know one of those ‘buy 10 get one free’ cards? Now, I know that it sounds ridiculously silly, and, to be honest, I’ve never met anyone who has stamped 10 stamps on their card and got a free bagel, but *I* believe that *I’m* going to be that one. I believe that in my year left in Israel I’ll get to #10 and throw a party. When I get that 10th bagel I’ll invite my colleagues over and we’ll each split the holy bagel and dance for joy that someone, just someone got something for free. Considering that I have 4/10 I like the odds.
But anyway, since I pass by that store very often I decide to go in and try and salvage my two stamps.
I come in and see Jason off to the left side *deep* in a phone call and another man right behind the counter in front of me.
I wave over to Jason and he pauses his conversation and comes over. I say to him and the other man, “Hi, I was here last week and I forgot to stamp my bagel card, remember me?” Jason nods. I jump for joy. Unfortunately, Jason doesn’t share in my enthusiasm. He’s much more interested in his *deep* phone call. But that’s ok; I’m one step closer to my free bagel party with stamp numbers 5 and 6. And all because I was interactive with someone and made a concerted effort to make a friend. It may have been a casual friend, but a friend indeed. I did an act of Yisod.
This type of friendliness comes directly from Yosef (who is called Yisod by the Zohar Vayikra 103b). After Yosef was chucked into in prison, he soon found himself in charge of the place. When he saw two distraught inmates, the king’s former bartender and baker, he didn’t ignore them and hope that they wouldn’t unload their problems on him. He asked them “Why do your faces look so bad today? (Genesis 6-7).
Think about it: Yosef is the head of the inmates, he’s in charge, he doesn’t have to speak to them. He could have viewed them as “lowly” inmates. But he chooses to ask them how they are, just like I asked Jason how he was, and they proceeded to tell Yosef that they are distraught over dreams they had the night before. Yosef then interprets their dreams and, later, after the bartender gets his old job back he’s able to tell Paroh about Yosef’s dream interpreting skills and Yosef is consequently saved from life in prison.
Being polite and making friends, even casual friends, pays off. When we work together and find out each other’s abilities and needs we are able to make the world run more efficiently. These two stories show how the initiator, namely me and Yosef, can benefit from the Yisod acts. But it could have been the other way around. Maybe Jason could have accidentally given me too much change and remembered me the next time I came in. I could have saved him from being fired from his job by giving the money back. It’s all the same idea. Interact, be friendly, and work together.
As for me, I’m going to stop by the bagel shop soon to get numbers 7 and 8 from my new friend Jason. As for you, the next time you see someone working hard behind a counter ask them their name or how their doing. In the end, you’ll both benefit from Yisod of it.
*All names have been changed to protect the innocent
I walk into a bagel shop and approach the counter. The shop is very clean and is decorated with deep red colors. I see someone behind the counter who I’ve never seen before and, from the lack of employees behind the counter, it appears that he’ll be helping me today.
“Hi, what’s your name?” I say with a big smile.
“Jason*,” he says back a bit timidly.
“Hi, Jason it’s nice to meet you, are you new here?”
“Yes, it’s my first day.”
“Really, how’s it been so far?”
“Well, you’re my first customer!”
“Really, wow!”
I slowly and clearly tell Jason what I want, he makes it, and I leave with a warm ‘thank you.’
But that’s not the end of the story; otherwise it would be more of a simple Hod story and not a Yisod one. Yes, it’s good to be Hod and nice and polite, but there’s a Yisod lesson here, too.
When I got home I realized that I forgot to stamp my bagel card, y’know one of those ‘buy 10 get one free’ cards? Now, I know that it sounds ridiculously silly, and, to be honest, I’ve never met anyone who has stamped 10 stamps on their card and got a free bagel, but *I* believe that *I’m* going to be that one. I believe that in my year left in Israel I’ll get to #10 and throw a party. When I get that 10th bagel I’ll invite my colleagues over and we’ll each split the holy bagel and dance for joy that someone, just someone got something for free. Considering that I have 4/10 I like the odds.
But anyway, since I pass by that store very often I decide to go in and try and salvage my two stamps.
I come in and see Jason off to the left side *deep* in a phone call and another man right behind the counter in front of me.
I wave over to Jason and he pauses his conversation and comes over. I say to him and the other man, “Hi, I was here last week and I forgot to stamp my bagel card, remember me?” Jason nods. I jump for joy. Unfortunately, Jason doesn’t share in my enthusiasm. He’s much more interested in his *deep* phone call. But that’s ok; I’m one step closer to my free bagel party with stamp numbers 5 and 6. And all because I was interactive with someone and made a concerted effort to make a friend. It may have been a casual friend, but a friend indeed. I did an act of Yisod.
This type of friendliness comes directly from Yosef (who is called Yisod by the Zohar Vayikra 103b). After Yosef was chucked into in prison, he soon found himself in charge of the place. When he saw two distraught inmates, the king’s former bartender and baker, he didn’t ignore them and hope that they wouldn’t unload their problems on him. He asked them “Why do your faces look so bad today? (Genesis 6-7).
Think about it: Yosef is the head of the inmates, he’s in charge, he doesn’t have to speak to them. He could have viewed them as “lowly” inmates. But he chooses to ask them how they are, just like I asked Jason how he was, and they proceeded to tell Yosef that they are distraught over dreams they had the night before. Yosef then interprets their dreams and, later, after the bartender gets his old job back he’s able to tell Paroh about Yosef’s dream interpreting skills and Yosef is consequently saved from life in prison.
Being polite and making friends, even casual friends, pays off. When we work together and find out each other’s abilities and needs we are able to make the world run more efficiently. These two stories show how the initiator, namely me and Yosef, can benefit from the Yisod acts. But it could have been the other way around. Maybe Jason could have accidentally given me too much change and remembered me the next time I came in. I could have saved him from being fired from his job by giving the money back. It’s all the same idea. Interact, be friendly, and work together.
As for me, I’m going to stop by the bagel shop soon to get numbers 7 and 8 from my new friend Jason. As for you, the next time you see someone working hard behind a counter ask them their name or how their doing. In the end, you’ll both benefit from Yisod of it.
*All names have been changed to protect the innocent
Saturday, December 1, 2007
How Heimishe is too Heimishe?
It was Thursday night and my wife and I were thoroughly wiped after our weekly grocery shopping. Suddenly, my wife turns to me and smiles and says that she wants to take me out to a nice restaurant for dinner. A pleasant surprise. I excitedly accept and, after I throw on a nice shirt and pants, we make our way to the restaurant.
When we get there, we see that the place is packed but we manage to secure a table. Unfortunately, it’s in the middle of the room. As we sit down, we see a couple sitting at the table next to us. Their table is *really* close to ours, but there’s a chair’s length separating us from them. Well, until their friend sat down.
Let’s call him ‘Friend.’ Friend sits down and proceeds to drink most of a bottle of wine and a few beers and he becomes what I would call *too heimishe*. Heimishe is a Yiddish word that means ‘homey’ ‘friendly’ ‘warm’ and ‘cozy’ all at the same time. When someone is being fed warm tasty food by his grandmother in her kitchen *that’s* heimishe. I can see Friend crossing the heimishe finish line and he soon plops down on a pedestal marked ‘too heimishe’.
Being the good husband that I try to be, I ignore Friend and focus all of my attention on my wife. I ignore his singing of fun folk songs and yelling at his friends across the restaurant. I politely decline when he offers me some of his dinner. After I finish my warm tasty food I escape to the bathroom to get a break from the guy.
When I return, I see my wife giving Friend a piece of her mind. Go wife! Apparently, when I was in deep concentration and conversation with my wife Friend had put his arm around me on the back of my chair and had a good laugh about it with his couple-friends. My wife took the job of calling him on his over-heimishness. He got real somber and looked at me like a sad puppy dog and apologized and said he was acting childish. We left.
Listen, the whole story is a bit humorous and I myself smile as I write about the whole thing. I wasn’t even so upset at the time. And I can’t say that a couple of my friends in high school didn’t do the same thing. They did. But I see a big difference. When they did it, they did it to people they knew and stopped when it got to be too heimishe. I think that Friend is crossing the line a little bit.
Here’s my main point from this whole thing. Going to a nice restaurant isn’t going to camp, it’s real life. It’s not a school cafeteria. If this heimishe guy went to a real life Indian restaurant full of polite and kind non-Jewish Indians would he be overly heimishe with them? Would he offer them food and yell across the restaurant? I doubt it.
I think that haimishness is good in our tight knit communities when it comes to helping one another when we're sick or finding people to marry. I can see the benefit behind having a neighbor to lean on when you're not strong or when your wife just gave birth. But do we need to drag our haimishness to fancy restaurants with us? We should try and use our closeness to help others not to pry for information. We should use our haimishness to feed the poor not the guy next to us at a restaurant ;-) !
I would say that being overly heimishe is a violation of Yisod. Yisod people are by far the best networkers; they know lots of people and love connecting them together. They like to make new friends and thrive on the synergy of interacting with others. But to be too heimishe and overstep your boundaries is a sharp violation of what Yisod people stand for.
I sure hope this guy wasn’t a Yisod because if he was he for sure wasn’t following on the footsteps of Yosef, Ya’akov’s famous son who is identified (Zohar Vayikra 103b) as being Yisod. Yosef did things right
In fact, next week I’ll give you a story that captures the essence of the good side of Yisod. Until then, be heimishe when it counts and focus all of your attention on your friends and your wife when you go out to dinner. They deserve it.
When we get there, we see that the place is packed but we manage to secure a table. Unfortunately, it’s in the middle of the room. As we sit down, we see a couple sitting at the table next to us. Their table is *really* close to ours, but there’s a chair’s length separating us from them. Well, until their friend sat down.
Let’s call him ‘Friend.’ Friend sits down and proceeds to drink most of a bottle of wine and a few beers and he becomes what I would call *too heimishe*. Heimishe is a Yiddish word that means ‘homey’ ‘friendly’ ‘warm’ and ‘cozy’ all at the same time. When someone is being fed warm tasty food by his grandmother in her kitchen *that’s* heimishe. I can see Friend crossing the heimishe finish line and he soon plops down on a pedestal marked ‘too heimishe’.
Being the good husband that I try to be, I ignore Friend and focus all of my attention on my wife. I ignore his singing of fun folk songs and yelling at his friends across the restaurant. I politely decline when he offers me some of his dinner. After I finish my warm tasty food I escape to the bathroom to get a break from the guy.
When I return, I see my wife giving Friend a piece of her mind. Go wife! Apparently, when I was in deep concentration and conversation with my wife Friend had put his arm around me on the back of my chair and had a good laugh about it with his couple-friends. My wife took the job of calling him on his over-heimishness. He got real somber and looked at me like a sad puppy dog and apologized and said he was acting childish. We left.
Listen, the whole story is a bit humorous and I myself smile as I write about the whole thing. I wasn’t even so upset at the time. And I can’t say that a couple of my friends in high school didn’t do the same thing. They did. But I see a big difference. When they did it, they did it to people they knew and stopped when it got to be too heimishe. I think that Friend is crossing the line a little bit.
Here’s my main point from this whole thing. Going to a nice restaurant isn’t going to camp, it’s real life. It’s not a school cafeteria. If this heimishe guy went to a real life Indian restaurant full of polite and kind non-Jewish Indians would he be overly heimishe with them? Would he offer them food and yell across the restaurant? I doubt it.
I think that haimishness is good in our tight knit communities when it comes to helping one another when we're sick or finding people to marry. I can see the benefit behind having a neighbor to lean on when you're not strong or when your wife just gave birth. But do we need to drag our haimishness to fancy restaurants with us? We should try and use our closeness to help others not to pry for information. We should use our haimishness to feed the poor not the guy next to us at a restaurant ;-) !
I would say that being overly heimishe is a violation of Yisod. Yisod people are by far the best networkers; they know lots of people and love connecting them together. They like to make new friends and thrive on the synergy of interacting with others. But to be too heimishe and overstep your boundaries is a sharp violation of what Yisod people stand for.
I sure hope this guy wasn’t a Yisod because if he was he for sure wasn’t following on the footsteps of Yosef, Ya’akov’s famous son who is identified (Zohar Vayikra 103b) as being Yisod. Yosef did things right
In fact, next week I’ll give you a story that captures the essence of the good side of Yisod. Until then, be heimishe when it counts and focus all of your attention on your friends and your wife when you go out to dinner. They deserve it.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Great Comment!
A newcomer to our group 'Wabbi E' made a great comment on the Hod post. He said that if someone is stuck and needs advice he can ask the other 6 personalities what they think. Meaning, each personality thinks in its own unique way so by speaking with the other personalities you can get a broader spectrum of advice and ideas to get out of your problem.
Great comments like that are always welcome.
Great comments like that are always welcome.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Meet The Hods
Eli and Devorah are newlyweds. They recently moved far, far away from their home town and into their very first apartment.
Right now it's Friday, a few hours before Shabbis, and they are busy cooking and cleaning and setting the table. Suddenly, a heavy pounding comes from the door. Eli and Devorah look at each other and sigh. It's the landlord.
"Open up the door!" he screams. "Let me in."
Before Eli can open the door their landlord unlocks it and barges in. And he hasn’t come alone; he’s brought three large family members with him. He’s trying to intimidate.
"This is not right! I want more money! There's been a mistake in the contract!"
Eli knows that there's been no mistake in the contract. The only mistake was the landlord's. He's the one who agreed to a bad deal and now he's trying to cover up for it by intimidating the poor newlyweds. Before I tell you how Eli responded, let me ask you:
How would you react if this happened to you?
I think that you would probably have one of two responses. Either you would start yelling back and ferociously fight the guy or you would freeze from the sheer violence of the yelling and have to think about what to do next. But Eli is different than most people. Eli is a Hod.
Hods are people who have a deep emotional care for others. They sincerely want to educate people, to help them be happy and to heal from their pain. In fact, both Eli and Devorah traveled deep into the former Soviet Union to do outreach and run educational programs for Jewish youth. Both are now active in teaching, counseling, and even matchmaking (Shidduchim). Eli even helped his father, a rabbi, to run services (Davening) and teach Torah at his synagogue (Shul).
But the issue is that with this strong desire to help comes a very deep sensitivity. This sensitivity comes in handy to empathize with people and to intuitively feel out their problems. But being sensitive can make Eli buckle in situations of pressure, like the one he’s in now.
So, when his landlord started demanding money, Eli started to feel bad for him. Can you imagine? Eli feels bad for someone who is trying to rip him off? So instead of yelling or freezing Eli actually writes the landlord a check for more money.
The next week, Eli begins to regret what he has done. He speaks his issue over with a rabbi, a few of his colleagues in his rabbinical training program and a Seven Ways advisor, and he comes to a clear conclusion. The landlord is wrong and he is right and he must do something about it.
Eli calls the landlord and they set up a time to meet.
As the two sit down at the table, a palpable tension is in the air. Eli begins to speak politely, yet with a feeling of firmness and determination. “I am sorry but I will not pay you any more money than what is in the contract. You signed the contract and you must live by your word.”
"Give me more money."
"Let's look at the contract." Eli pulls it out. "I'm sorry it says right here what I'm supposed to pay you."
Did the landlord begin screaming? Did he throw a chair down and have a hissy fit? No. He caved in. “Okay, okay” he responds to everything Eli says.
“Please give me my checks back.” He hands back the checks. “I am a fair person so maybe we can rewrite the contract in a way that you won’t lose so much money but so that it will still be a fair deal for me.”
Eli doesn’t yell, he doesn’t lose his cool, he just tells his landlord like it is.
“And I don’t want you ever to barge into this apartment again without calling us first. Got it?”
“Fine, the landlord replies.”
Hods can’t let their sensitivity get them in trouble. You can’t feel bad for everyone. You have to protect yourself from people who are trying to take advantage of you. You must use your Hod like Aharon did.
Hillel Says “Be one of the students of Aharon, love peace and pursue peace,
love people and bring them close to the Torah” (Avos 1:10)
Aharon is directly identified with the word ‘Hod,’ (Zohar Vayikra 103b). We can all learn one clear lesson from Hods and from Aharon. We all need to deeply care for others, we must run after peace at all costs, and we must bring the Torah to everyone.
Most of us may not feel bad for a landlord who tries to intimidate us, but perhaps we should. Yes, of course, we need to stand up to him and save ourselves, but if we just feel bad for him a bit and imagine the pain that he may have in his life it might make us less angry at him. Perhaps he is trying to pay off two mortgages. Perhaps he is scared that he may lose his job. Maybe he had a tough time growing up. Make up reasons why he acts the way he does if for no other reason than to relax yourself. Do it for yourself not for him! Being tense and worrying is bad for your health. After you are assertive and stop someone from cheating you take a moment to feel bad for him. This may not be an idea that most people like, but it’s what the great Hods of the world teach us. They tell us to pursue peace and to love people, even the ones who are like Eli’s landlord.
Eli and Devorah grew a great deal from that run in with their landlord. They are more assertive and are now able to use their Hod on people that need it. But, now that I think about it, they did a great act of helping with their assertiveness didn’t they? Don’t some people need to be stopped? To be taught a lesson? Perhaps by stopping him from cheating them they taught their landlord a valuable lesson, which, as Hod-less as it sounds, is a truly great act of Hod. Helping someone can sometimes come in mysterious ways.
P.S. Later Eli found out that his landlord was pressuring him because he needed to pay his mothers landlord who was pressuring *him*. Our benefit of the doubt was pretty accurate, wasn't it?
Right now it's Friday, a few hours before Shabbis, and they are busy cooking and cleaning and setting the table. Suddenly, a heavy pounding comes from the door. Eli and Devorah look at each other and sigh. It's the landlord.
"Open up the door!" he screams. "Let me in."
Before Eli can open the door their landlord unlocks it and barges in. And he hasn’t come alone; he’s brought three large family members with him. He’s trying to intimidate.
"This is not right! I want more money! There's been a mistake in the contract!"
Eli knows that there's been no mistake in the contract. The only mistake was the landlord's. He's the one who agreed to a bad deal and now he's trying to cover up for it by intimidating the poor newlyweds. Before I tell you how Eli responded, let me ask you:
How would you react if this happened to you?
I think that you would probably have one of two responses. Either you would start yelling back and ferociously fight the guy or you would freeze from the sheer violence of the yelling and have to think about what to do next. But Eli is different than most people. Eli is a Hod.
Hods are people who have a deep emotional care for others. They sincerely want to educate people, to help them be happy and to heal from their pain. In fact, both Eli and Devorah traveled deep into the former Soviet Union to do outreach and run educational programs for Jewish youth. Both are now active in teaching, counseling, and even matchmaking (Shidduchim). Eli even helped his father, a rabbi, to run services (Davening) and teach Torah at his synagogue (Shul).
But the issue is that with this strong desire to help comes a very deep sensitivity. This sensitivity comes in handy to empathize with people and to intuitively feel out their problems. But being sensitive can make Eli buckle in situations of pressure, like the one he’s in now.
So, when his landlord started demanding money, Eli started to feel bad for him. Can you imagine? Eli feels bad for someone who is trying to rip him off? So instead of yelling or freezing Eli actually writes the landlord a check for more money.
The next week, Eli begins to regret what he has done. He speaks his issue over with a rabbi, a few of his colleagues in his rabbinical training program and a Seven Ways advisor, and he comes to a clear conclusion. The landlord is wrong and he is right and he must do something about it.
Eli calls the landlord and they set up a time to meet.
As the two sit down at the table, a palpable tension is in the air. Eli begins to speak politely, yet with a feeling of firmness and determination. “I am sorry but I will not pay you any more money than what is in the contract. You signed the contract and you must live by your word.”
"Give me more money."
"Let's look at the contract." Eli pulls it out. "I'm sorry it says right here what I'm supposed to pay you."
Did the landlord begin screaming? Did he throw a chair down and have a hissy fit? No. He caved in. “Okay, okay” he responds to everything Eli says.
“Please give me my checks back.” He hands back the checks. “I am a fair person so maybe we can rewrite the contract in a way that you won’t lose so much money but so that it will still be a fair deal for me.”
Eli doesn’t yell, he doesn’t lose his cool, he just tells his landlord like it is.
“And I don’t want you ever to barge into this apartment again without calling us first. Got it?”
“Fine, the landlord replies.”
Hods can’t let their sensitivity get them in trouble. You can’t feel bad for everyone. You have to protect yourself from people who are trying to take advantage of you. You must use your Hod like Aharon did.
Hillel Says “Be one of the students of Aharon, love peace and pursue peace,
love people and bring them close to the Torah” (Avos 1:10)
Aharon is directly identified with the word ‘Hod,’ (Zohar Vayikra 103b). We can all learn one clear lesson from Hods and from Aharon. We all need to deeply care for others, we must run after peace at all costs, and we must bring the Torah to everyone.
Most of us may not feel bad for a landlord who tries to intimidate us, but perhaps we should. Yes, of course, we need to stand up to him and save ourselves, but if we just feel bad for him a bit and imagine the pain that he may have in his life it might make us less angry at him. Perhaps he is trying to pay off two mortgages. Perhaps he is scared that he may lose his job. Maybe he had a tough time growing up. Make up reasons why he acts the way he does if for no other reason than to relax yourself. Do it for yourself not for him! Being tense and worrying is bad for your health. After you are assertive and stop someone from cheating you take a moment to feel bad for him. This may not be an idea that most people like, but it’s what the great Hods of the world teach us. They tell us to pursue peace and to love people, even the ones who are like Eli’s landlord.
Eli and Devorah grew a great deal from that run in with their landlord. They are more assertive and are now able to use their Hod on people that need it. But, now that I think about it, they did a great act of helping with their assertiveness didn’t they? Don’t some people need to be stopped? To be taught a lesson? Perhaps by stopping him from cheating them they taught their landlord a valuable lesson, which, as Hod-less as it sounds, is a truly great act of Hod. Helping someone can sometimes come in mysterious ways.
P.S. Later Eli found out that his landlord was pressuring him because he needed to pay his mothers landlord who was pressuring *him*. Our benefit of the doubt was pretty accurate, wasn't it?
Saturday, November 10, 2007
My Dad the Tiferes
My Dad is a Tiferes, he's a musician. He's playing on stage right now in front of me as I sit with 50 other people in the middle of a mall. His 6'1" slim frame fits nicely into his blue shirt and khakis. He wails away on the harmonica as the guitarist, bassist, and drummer all expertly flow with his groove.
My Dad's had a band for over 30 years. First it was 'Stevie and the Blue Flames' then 'The Blue Flames' when my Dad reached an age that 'Stevie' didn't sound right. But it didn't matter the name or who was playing with him, my Dad kept on playing the Blues. Now the band is called 'The Crossroads Band' after famous blues songs about the 'crossroads' -the highways that crisscross the South US, where The Blues was born.
My Dad is on stage because he's a Tiferes and I sit here in the crowd because I'm not. I tried my hand at guitar and harmonica but they didn't jive with me. Many people in the crowd here and reading this blog try to do the same. They try to make music, poems, and paintings all because they want the glamour. They want to make the crowd go wild. They too want to get people out of their chairs and start dancin' on their feet and little kids dancin' in silly little circles. They too want to create poetry and songs that dance in people's minds for weeks on end. But I'm much happier here in my cushiony chair. Sure, anyone out there who’s not a Tiferes could write a good song or a poem, in fact many of us have, but for Tiferes people it comes naturally to them. It flows from their veins. They can cut a whole album while we're still figuring out what rhymes with 'orange.' Well I'll tell you: nothing rhymes with orange. (Porridge maybe?)
In my opinion, the vast majority of the best songs and poems of all time have been written by Tiferes people. And on a broader scale, that's what the Seven Ways is really about. A lot of people here in the crowd and reading this blog would be happier if they could compose their own type of music. Their own type of music may be teaching or directing an office; maybe it's becoming a doctor or starting their own business so they can be their own boss. The Seven Ways helps you figure out who you are. Yes Tiferes people get more publicity than any other personality, but you will be much happier if you find your own music to play. Tiferes people are called Tiferes because Tiferes means 'beauty' and they bring out the beauty in life and make beautiful music. But you have beautiful music, too. You just need to find the right instrument. That's why I am writing the Seven Ways, it’s my music. And I want everyone to be happy by finding their own instrument. My Dad's on stage and he deserves to be there because of his G-d given talents.
I have to admit, he's a pretty cool guy. He's played in 40 different cities in Western Europe including Amsterdam, Inhoven, Antwerp, and (my favorite) in Tel Aviv with Israel's own version of Bob Dylan: Dani Latoni. I just enjoy my view from the crowd.
If you want to check out my Dad's music go to http://www.crossroadsblues.net/ (the music takes a second to load but it plays) or you can type 'Steve Bailey' into a search on iTunes and his music pops up. (Alert: don't buy the album Hop on Board because it's someone else who ripped off my Dad’s music and is selling it!). If you want my Dad’s book on how to play harmonica email him at southparkslim@hotmail.com . Also email him if you want to record in his recording studio in Seattle.
If you are a Tiferes or have Tiferes talent, you should definitely get up the courage to take your talents onstage (or at least send my Dad an email to learn how to hone your harmonica skills). The world needs your talents to keep it a colorful, exciting place. Otherwise, I have a nice cushy seat for you right here next to me.
My Dad's had a band for over 30 years. First it was 'Stevie and the Blue Flames' then 'The Blue Flames' when my Dad reached an age that 'Stevie' didn't sound right. But it didn't matter the name or who was playing with him, my Dad kept on playing the Blues. Now the band is called 'The Crossroads Band' after famous blues songs about the 'crossroads' -the highways that crisscross the South US, where The Blues was born.
My Dad is on stage because he's a Tiferes and I sit here in the crowd because I'm not. I tried my hand at guitar and harmonica but they didn't jive with me. Many people in the crowd here and reading this blog try to do the same. They try to make music, poems, and paintings all because they want the glamour. They want to make the crowd go wild. They too want to get people out of their chairs and start dancin' on their feet and little kids dancin' in silly little circles. They too want to create poetry and songs that dance in people's minds for weeks on end. But I'm much happier here in my cushiony chair. Sure, anyone out there who’s not a Tiferes could write a good song or a poem, in fact many of us have, but for Tiferes people it comes naturally to them. It flows from their veins. They can cut a whole album while we're still figuring out what rhymes with 'orange.' Well I'll tell you: nothing rhymes with orange. (Porridge maybe?)
In my opinion, the vast majority of the best songs and poems of all time have been written by Tiferes people. And on a broader scale, that's what the Seven Ways is really about. A lot of people here in the crowd and reading this blog would be happier if they could compose their own type of music. Their own type of music may be teaching or directing an office; maybe it's becoming a doctor or starting their own business so they can be their own boss. The Seven Ways helps you figure out who you are. Yes Tiferes people get more publicity than any other personality, but you will be much happier if you find your own music to play. Tiferes people are called Tiferes because Tiferes means 'beauty' and they bring out the beauty in life and make beautiful music. But you have beautiful music, too. You just need to find the right instrument. That's why I am writing the Seven Ways, it’s my music. And I want everyone to be happy by finding their own instrument. My Dad's on stage and he deserves to be there because of his G-d given talents.
I have to admit, he's a pretty cool guy. He's played in 40 different cities in Western Europe including Amsterdam, Inhoven, Antwerp, and (my favorite) in Tel Aviv with Israel's own version of Bob Dylan: Dani Latoni. I just enjoy my view from the crowd.
If you want to check out my Dad's music go to http://www.crossroadsblues.net/ (the music takes a second to load but it plays) or you can type 'Steve Bailey' into a search on iTunes and his music pops up. (Alert: don't buy the album Hop on Board because it's someone else who ripped off my Dad’s music and is selling it!). If you want my Dad’s book on how to play harmonica email him at southparkslim@hotmail.com . Also email him if you want to record in his recording studio in Seattle.
If you are a Tiferes or have Tiferes talent, you should definitely get up the courage to take your talents onstage (or at least send my Dad an email to learn how to hone your harmonica skills). The world needs your talents to keep it a colorful, exciting place. Otherwise, I have a nice cushy seat for you right here next to me.
Great Comment
An avid fan of the Seven Ways Reb Sabra just posted something that is essential to understanding the Seven Ways. He brought up the fact that, even though we may not be Gevurahs ourselves, we can still learn from them. This is very true and an important tool for all of us. Though we have only one primary personality out of the seven, we can still learn valuable lessons from the other personalities. From Gevurah we learn to be self-disciplined or to fight for what's right. From Tiferes we learn that we all need to find our inner music and play it for everyone. Thank you Reb Sabra, great post, and we always welcome any other comments or questions on the Seven Ways system.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
The Next Two Weeks
After these two Gevurah articles, I think You've got a good picture of Gevurah, so the next two weeks I'm going to post on Tiferes and Hod to spice things up a little bit.
Rabbi Bailey
Rabbi Bailey
Gevurah Saves the Day
You saw in the last post that when Gevurah is unleashed it can be deadly.
But Gevurah can also save the day...
In the early 1900s the beautiful green city of Seattle was growing rapidly. Its sea port was the second largest in the US behind New York and several companies that are now famous today began to take off. Most of the Jews immigrated to the city in the late 1800s and they quickly established both Ashkenazic and Sephardic Shuls. They fought to maintain their orthodoxy as many Shuls at that time became Conservative because of a sudden atmosphere of change that swept through Jewish America. The Ashkenazic Shul was lacking a rabbi and a member of the community who was somewhat learned and a good speaker used to get up and give speeches on a regular basis.
One year, the Shul was holding Kol Nidrei services on Yom Kippur night and the member who would give speeches went up onto the Bimah and made some shocking suggestions. ‘It’s time to become more modern,’ he said. ‘We should bring the women downstairs [to sit with the men],’ he continued. But there was one Jew who rose up and saved the day. "Shaygetz, arunta fun de Bima" (Translation: "Abominable irreligious jerk! (I'm not sure there's a good translation for Shaygetz but you get the idea) Get down from the podium!") He yelled from the crowd and quickly ran up to the Bimah and kept yelling: ‘We don't need changes here!’ He stayed up there for quite some time and no one could shush him as he continued to shout at the speaker in a mixture of Yiddish and English. Finally the speaker started speaking about other things such as why they didn’t have spittoons in Shuls anymore!
The Jew who stopped that speaker was Moshe Yehudah Genauer. He was someone who came over to the US from Europe and wore traditional Jewish garb, refusing to cut his beard and completely maintained orthodox observance. He dressed in a way that appeared more restrictive and more ‘Jewish’ than others. He did this because of the good side of Gevurah. If you remember, in last weeks post we explained that Gevurah means to attack or to be self-disciplined. Mr. Genauer spent most of his time being self-disciplined and faithful to Judaism in a country that was quickly abandoning it. He didn’t use his Gevurah to walk around all the time criticizing people. In fact, he was known as a kind, upbeat person and he brought lots of Torah to Seattle's Jewish community. But his mission was to preserve Judaism through his Gevurah-style dedication. I have no idea if Yehudah Genauer was a Gevurah or not, in fact I think he specifically wasn’t, but his act of Gevurah at the right time saved Seattle’s orthodox community and quite possibly all of Seattle’s Jews from ultimately assimilating and going extinct. The bottom line is that the Shul stayed Orthodox and produced quite a few wonderful people and institutions.
The healthy Gevurah people that I know are a lot like Mr. Genauer. They are self-disciplined and want to do The System well. And whether it be Judaism or work, they want to do the normal done thing and they have the energy to work hard and succeed. And when the going gets tough and a Shaygetz gets up they can shout him down.
Remember my screaming neighbor from last week? Remember the anger and rage that he had? He should have taken a lesson from Mr. Genauer. His screaming should be saved for drastic occasions.
And as for you, your self-discipline doesn’t necessarily come through a beard and a black hat (although it might because of the diverse backgrounds of readers). Everyone has their own way of maintaining their Jewish community and their own personal religiosity. Gevurah situations come in many facets of your life and you may be the lone Mr. Genauer there.
Are you ready to scream the Shaygetz down from the Bimah? It might not be so easy. Everyone is watching and lots of people might not agree with you, but you gotta do it. You and I gotta prepare ourselves because when the Shaygetz gets up Gevurah needs to be unleashed.
But Gevurah can also save the day...
In the early 1900s the beautiful green city of Seattle was growing rapidly. Its sea port was the second largest in the US behind New York and several companies that are now famous today began to take off. Most of the Jews immigrated to the city in the late 1800s and they quickly established both Ashkenazic and Sephardic Shuls. They fought to maintain their orthodoxy as many Shuls at that time became Conservative because of a sudden atmosphere of change that swept through Jewish America. The Ashkenazic Shul was lacking a rabbi and a member of the community who was somewhat learned and a good speaker used to get up and give speeches on a regular basis.
One year, the Shul was holding Kol Nidrei services on Yom Kippur night and the member who would give speeches went up onto the Bimah and made some shocking suggestions. ‘It’s time to become more modern,’ he said. ‘We should bring the women downstairs [to sit with the men],’ he continued. But there was one Jew who rose up and saved the day. "Shaygetz, arunta fun de Bima" (Translation: "Abominable irreligious jerk! (I'm not sure there's a good translation for Shaygetz but you get the idea) Get down from the podium!") He yelled from the crowd and quickly ran up to the Bimah and kept yelling: ‘We don't need changes here!’ He stayed up there for quite some time and no one could shush him as he continued to shout at the speaker in a mixture of Yiddish and English. Finally the speaker started speaking about other things such as why they didn’t have spittoons in Shuls anymore!
The Jew who stopped that speaker was Moshe Yehudah Genauer. He was someone who came over to the US from Europe and wore traditional Jewish garb, refusing to cut his beard and completely maintained orthodox observance. He dressed in a way that appeared more restrictive and more ‘Jewish’ than others. He did this because of the good side of Gevurah. If you remember, in last weeks post we explained that Gevurah means to attack or to be self-disciplined. Mr. Genauer spent most of his time being self-disciplined and faithful to Judaism in a country that was quickly abandoning it. He didn’t use his Gevurah to walk around all the time criticizing people. In fact, he was known as a kind, upbeat person and he brought lots of Torah to Seattle's Jewish community. But his mission was to preserve Judaism through his Gevurah-style dedication. I have no idea if Yehudah Genauer was a Gevurah or not, in fact I think he specifically wasn’t, but his act of Gevurah at the right time saved Seattle’s orthodox community and quite possibly all of Seattle’s Jews from ultimately assimilating and going extinct. The bottom line is that the Shul stayed Orthodox and produced quite a few wonderful people and institutions.
The healthy Gevurah people that I know are a lot like Mr. Genauer. They are self-disciplined and want to do The System well. And whether it be Judaism or work, they want to do the normal done thing and they have the energy to work hard and succeed. And when the going gets tough and a Shaygetz gets up they can shout him down.
Remember my screaming neighbor from last week? Remember the anger and rage that he had? He should have taken a lesson from Mr. Genauer. His screaming should be saved for drastic occasions.
And as for you, your self-discipline doesn’t necessarily come through a beard and a black hat (although it might because of the diverse backgrounds of readers). Everyone has their own way of maintaining their Jewish community and their own personal religiosity. Gevurah situations come in many facets of your life and you may be the lone Mr. Genauer there.
Are you ready to scream the Shaygetz down from the Bimah? It might not be so easy. Everyone is watching and lots of people might not agree with you, but you gotta do it. You and I gotta prepare ourselves because when the Shaygetz gets up Gevurah needs to be unleashed.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Gevurah Saves the Day
I got a lot of positive feedback about the Gevurah Unleashed article. A few readers wanted to know more about the good side of Gevurah because every personality has the ability to do good or bad deeds. So in the next week I hope to put out a Gevurah Saves the Day post. I’m going to include a great story that I love about my hometown of Seattle.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Gevurah Unleashed My Neighbor Was Screaming at Me
My neighbor was screaming at me. He was right up in my face; I could smell his awful breath. We were standing in front of the door to his apartment in the narrow hallway of my building. “I’m going to chuck you out of this building!” he said pointing down the stairwell. He’s about two inches taller than me and a good 25 lbs. heavier, which puts him at about 6’ 2” and 220. “I’m going to throw you out!” I wondered how I got into this whole pickle.
Actually. I didn’t really wonder at all. My neighbor has the classic unhealthy Gevurah personality. He only thinks about himself, skims money off of the building management payments that he collects, and he bangs on his table when he sings really, really loud. It sounds silly, but the kids in the apartment below his can’t sleep at night because he sings and bangs on the table late at night. At first I thought it was normal but the people in our building and everyone else we asked said the banging was way too loud.
That’s how we got into this whole ordeal. I live in the apartment above his. And he was banging and banging on his table. He was singing and—well you can’t really call it singing, more like groaning like a beached whale. But he was whaleing away and I wanted to take a nap. I decided it was enough.
I threw on my shirt and marched downstairs, feeling brave. I banged really, really hard on his door so he would hear me over the whaleing, but it probably just ended up seeming like some sort of challenge to him. He flew out of the door raging mad. He started yelling at me “You bang on my door! Who do you think you are?”
I stood my ground and didn’t get upset or yell. I said “You bother us and the people below you.” “I’m going to throw you out of the building!” he screamed. I still didn’t budge despite the fact that I had never been yelled at like this in my entire life. But I know the #1 rule with these people: Don’t yell back. Yelling gets you nowhere, and besides, he wants me to lose my cool. He wants me to lose the fight by losing myself. I won’t do it. “Please be quieter, and the banging, please it really bothers us.” I know he hears me. I know it hurts him inside. That’s why he’s yelling. He’s very pained inside.
But the truth is he does it to himself. Because he’s such a mean person he causes people to come after him. He thrives on the conflict. He flew out of his door to yell at me because he was waiting for it. He loved the fact that I banged on his door because it gave him an excuse to get mad. If I yelled at him for coming at 11:00 at night to collect building management payments he would be soooo offended.
You gotta wonder about people like my neighbor. He probably had the same upbringing as many other unhealthy Gevurahs. His father might have been real rough on him. His older brothers may have pounded on him. Perhaps the kids at school beat him up, too. But I wasn’t about to continue the violence. I rewrote the script and he had nothing to respond.
Why do I call people like him unhealthy Gevurah people? Is it because he tried to be tough with me and Gevurah means might in Hebrew? Actually, the Gemara says the opposite.
Says Rabbi Y’hoshua ben Levi: Why are they called the Men of the Great Assembly? Because they returned the crown to its former standing…Daniel came and said ‘Foreigners are enslaving His children! Where is His might?’ He didn’t say [the adjective] ‘Gibor’ ‘Mighty’ [to describe G-d in the daily prayers]. [The Men of the Great Assembly] came and said ‘On the contrary! That’s the mightiness of all of his might (G’vuras G’vuraso) because He holds back his normal inclination [to destroy them] and gives extra time to the wicked [to repent before he punishes them]
(Yuma 69b)
The two sides of Gevurah are attacking and not attacking. My neighbor chose to yell, I chose to be calm and hold back my inclination. After that episode, he stopped whaleing so loud and quit the banging. Who’s the mighty one now?
Gevurah people are people who work very hard at trying to do what’s the done thing in society. They pound what I call The System. The System is the sum total of all of those cultural norms and rules that society has in place. My neighbor dresses the part, pretends like he’s a righteous man, and tries to get ahead whenever he can. A real Gevurah would be self-disciplined, though. He would not yell at me. He would make himself a highly perfected individual and be a role model to those around him.
I have seen many, many good Gevurahs. Like in my Smicha (ordination) program. They take extensive, detailed notes. They take every test. They stick to their diets and aren’t loud and aggressive. They are more self-disciplined than a black-belted ninja.
As for my neighbor, I guess he didn’t read the Gemara I just told you. And if he did he probably didn’t get it. Oh well, at least I’m moving out soon.
Rabbi Bailey
Actually. I didn’t really wonder at all. My neighbor has the classic unhealthy Gevurah personality. He only thinks about himself, skims money off of the building management payments that he collects, and he bangs on his table when he sings really, really loud. It sounds silly, but the kids in the apartment below his can’t sleep at night because he sings and bangs on the table late at night. At first I thought it was normal but the people in our building and everyone else we asked said the banging was way too loud.
That’s how we got into this whole ordeal. I live in the apartment above his. And he was banging and banging on his table. He was singing and—well you can’t really call it singing, more like groaning like a beached whale. But he was whaleing away and I wanted to take a nap. I decided it was enough.
I threw on my shirt and marched downstairs, feeling brave. I banged really, really hard on his door so he would hear me over the whaleing, but it probably just ended up seeming like some sort of challenge to him. He flew out of the door raging mad. He started yelling at me “You bang on my door! Who do you think you are?”
I stood my ground and didn’t get upset or yell. I said “You bother us and the people below you.” “I’m going to throw you out of the building!” he screamed. I still didn’t budge despite the fact that I had never been yelled at like this in my entire life. But I know the #1 rule with these people: Don’t yell back. Yelling gets you nowhere, and besides, he wants me to lose my cool. He wants me to lose the fight by losing myself. I won’t do it. “Please be quieter, and the banging, please it really bothers us.” I know he hears me. I know it hurts him inside. That’s why he’s yelling. He’s very pained inside.
But the truth is he does it to himself. Because he’s such a mean person he causes people to come after him. He thrives on the conflict. He flew out of his door to yell at me because he was waiting for it. He loved the fact that I banged on his door because it gave him an excuse to get mad. If I yelled at him for coming at 11:00 at night to collect building management payments he would be soooo offended.
You gotta wonder about people like my neighbor. He probably had the same upbringing as many other unhealthy Gevurahs. His father might have been real rough on him. His older brothers may have pounded on him. Perhaps the kids at school beat him up, too. But I wasn’t about to continue the violence. I rewrote the script and he had nothing to respond.
Why do I call people like him unhealthy Gevurah people? Is it because he tried to be tough with me and Gevurah means might in Hebrew? Actually, the Gemara says the opposite.
Says Rabbi Y’hoshua ben Levi: Why are they called the Men of the Great Assembly? Because they returned the crown to its former standing…Daniel came and said ‘Foreigners are enslaving His children! Where is His might?’ He didn’t say [the adjective] ‘Gibor’ ‘Mighty’ [to describe G-d in the daily prayers]. [The Men of the Great Assembly] came and said ‘On the contrary! That’s the mightiness of all of his might (G’vuras G’vuraso) because He holds back his normal inclination [to destroy them] and gives extra time to the wicked [to repent before he punishes them]
(Yuma 69b)
The two sides of Gevurah are attacking and not attacking. My neighbor chose to yell, I chose to be calm and hold back my inclination. After that episode, he stopped whaleing so loud and quit the banging. Who’s the mighty one now?
Gevurah people are people who work very hard at trying to do what’s the done thing in society. They pound what I call The System. The System is the sum total of all of those cultural norms and rules that society has in place. My neighbor dresses the part, pretends like he’s a righteous man, and tries to get ahead whenever he can. A real Gevurah would be self-disciplined, though. He would not yell at me. He would make himself a highly perfected individual and be a role model to those around him.
I have seen many, many good Gevurahs. Like in my Smicha (ordination) program. They take extensive, detailed notes. They take every test. They stick to their diets and aren’t loud and aggressive. They are more self-disciplined than a black-belted ninja.
As for my neighbor, I guess he didn’t read the Gemara I just told you. And if he did he probably didn’t get it. Oh well, at least I’m moving out soon.
Rabbi Bailey
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