Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Gevurah Saves the Day
I got a lot of positive feedback about the Gevurah Unleashed article. A few readers wanted to know more about the good side of Gevurah because every personality has the ability to do good or bad deeds. So in the next week I hope to put out a Gevurah Saves the Day post. I’m going to include a great story that I love about my hometown of Seattle.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Gevurah Unleashed My Neighbor Was Screaming at Me
My neighbor was screaming at me. He was right up in my face; I could smell his awful breath. We were standing in front of the door to his apartment in the narrow hallway of my building. “I’m going to chuck you out of this building!” he said pointing down the stairwell. He’s about two inches taller than me and a good 25 lbs. heavier, which puts him at about 6’ 2” and 220. “I’m going to throw you out!” I wondered how I got into this whole pickle.
Actually. I didn’t really wonder at all. My neighbor has the classic unhealthy Gevurah personality. He only thinks about himself, skims money off of the building management payments that he collects, and he bangs on his table when he sings really, really loud. It sounds silly, but the kids in the apartment below his can’t sleep at night because he sings and bangs on the table late at night. At first I thought it was normal but the people in our building and everyone else we asked said the banging was way too loud.
That’s how we got into this whole ordeal. I live in the apartment above his. And he was banging and banging on his table. He was singing and—well you can’t really call it singing, more like groaning like a beached whale. But he was whaleing away and I wanted to take a nap. I decided it was enough.
I threw on my shirt and marched downstairs, feeling brave. I banged really, really hard on his door so he would hear me over the whaleing, but it probably just ended up seeming like some sort of challenge to him. He flew out of the door raging mad. He started yelling at me “You bang on my door! Who do you think you are?”
I stood my ground and didn’t get upset or yell. I said “You bother us and the people below you.” “I’m going to throw you out of the building!” he screamed. I still didn’t budge despite the fact that I had never been yelled at like this in my entire life. But I know the #1 rule with these people: Don’t yell back. Yelling gets you nowhere, and besides, he wants me to lose my cool. He wants me to lose the fight by losing myself. I won’t do it. “Please be quieter, and the banging, please it really bothers us.” I know he hears me. I know it hurts him inside. That’s why he’s yelling. He’s very pained inside.
But the truth is he does it to himself. Because he’s such a mean person he causes people to come after him. He thrives on the conflict. He flew out of his door to yell at me because he was waiting for it. He loved the fact that I banged on his door because it gave him an excuse to get mad. If I yelled at him for coming at 11:00 at night to collect building management payments he would be soooo offended.
You gotta wonder about people like my neighbor. He probably had the same upbringing as many other unhealthy Gevurahs. His father might have been real rough on him. His older brothers may have pounded on him. Perhaps the kids at school beat him up, too. But I wasn’t about to continue the violence. I rewrote the script and he had nothing to respond.
Why do I call people like him unhealthy Gevurah people? Is it because he tried to be tough with me and Gevurah means might in Hebrew? Actually, the Gemara says the opposite.
Says Rabbi Y’hoshua ben Levi: Why are they called the Men of the Great Assembly? Because they returned the crown to its former standing…Daniel came and said ‘Foreigners are enslaving His children! Where is His might?’ He didn’t say [the adjective] ‘Gibor’ ‘Mighty’ [to describe G-d in the daily prayers]. [The Men of the Great Assembly] came and said ‘On the contrary! That’s the mightiness of all of his might (G’vuras G’vuraso) because He holds back his normal inclination [to destroy them] and gives extra time to the wicked [to repent before he punishes them]
(Yuma 69b)
The two sides of Gevurah are attacking and not attacking. My neighbor chose to yell, I chose to be calm and hold back my inclination. After that episode, he stopped whaleing so loud and quit the banging. Who’s the mighty one now?
Gevurah people are people who work very hard at trying to do what’s the done thing in society. They pound what I call The System. The System is the sum total of all of those cultural norms and rules that society has in place. My neighbor dresses the part, pretends like he’s a righteous man, and tries to get ahead whenever he can. A real Gevurah would be self-disciplined, though. He would not yell at me. He would make himself a highly perfected individual and be a role model to those around him.
I have seen many, many good Gevurahs. Like in my Smicha (ordination) program. They take extensive, detailed notes. They take every test. They stick to their diets and aren’t loud and aggressive. They are more self-disciplined than a black-belted ninja.
As for my neighbor, I guess he didn’t read the Gemara I just told you. And if he did he probably didn’t get it. Oh well, at least I’m moving out soon.
Rabbi Bailey
Actually. I didn’t really wonder at all. My neighbor has the classic unhealthy Gevurah personality. He only thinks about himself, skims money off of the building management payments that he collects, and he bangs on his table when he sings really, really loud. It sounds silly, but the kids in the apartment below his can’t sleep at night because he sings and bangs on the table late at night. At first I thought it was normal but the people in our building and everyone else we asked said the banging was way too loud.
That’s how we got into this whole ordeal. I live in the apartment above his. And he was banging and banging on his table. He was singing and—well you can’t really call it singing, more like groaning like a beached whale. But he was whaleing away and I wanted to take a nap. I decided it was enough.
I threw on my shirt and marched downstairs, feeling brave. I banged really, really hard on his door so he would hear me over the whaleing, but it probably just ended up seeming like some sort of challenge to him. He flew out of the door raging mad. He started yelling at me “You bang on my door! Who do you think you are?”
I stood my ground and didn’t get upset or yell. I said “You bother us and the people below you.” “I’m going to throw you out of the building!” he screamed. I still didn’t budge despite the fact that I had never been yelled at like this in my entire life. But I know the #1 rule with these people: Don’t yell back. Yelling gets you nowhere, and besides, he wants me to lose my cool. He wants me to lose the fight by losing myself. I won’t do it. “Please be quieter, and the banging, please it really bothers us.” I know he hears me. I know it hurts him inside. That’s why he’s yelling. He’s very pained inside.
But the truth is he does it to himself. Because he’s such a mean person he causes people to come after him. He thrives on the conflict. He flew out of his door to yell at me because he was waiting for it. He loved the fact that I banged on his door because it gave him an excuse to get mad. If I yelled at him for coming at 11:00 at night to collect building management payments he would be soooo offended.
You gotta wonder about people like my neighbor. He probably had the same upbringing as many other unhealthy Gevurahs. His father might have been real rough on him. His older brothers may have pounded on him. Perhaps the kids at school beat him up, too. But I wasn’t about to continue the violence. I rewrote the script and he had nothing to respond.
Why do I call people like him unhealthy Gevurah people? Is it because he tried to be tough with me and Gevurah means might in Hebrew? Actually, the Gemara says the opposite.
Says Rabbi Y’hoshua ben Levi: Why are they called the Men of the Great Assembly? Because they returned the crown to its former standing…Daniel came and said ‘Foreigners are enslaving His children! Where is His might?’ He didn’t say [the adjective] ‘Gibor’ ‘Mighty’ [to describe G-d in the daily prayers]. [The Men of the Great Assembly] came and said ‘On the contrary! That’s the mightiness of all of his might (G’vuras G’vuraso) because He holds back his normal inclination [to destroy them] and gives extra time to the wicked [to repent before he punishes them]
(Yuma 69b)
The two sides of Gevurah are attacking and not attacking. My neighbor chose to yell, I chose to be calm and hold back my inclination. After that episode, he stopped whaleing so loud and quit the banging. Who’s the mighty one now?
Gevurah people are people who work very hard at trying to do what’s the done thing in society. They pound what I call The System. The System is the sum total of all of those cultural norms and rules that society has in place. My neighbor dresses the part, pretends like he’s a righteous man, and tries to get ahead whenever he can. A real Gevurah would be self-disciplined, though. He would not yell at me. He would make himself a highly perfected individual and be a role model to those around him.
I have seen many, many good Gevurahs. Like in my Smicha (ordination) program. They take extensive, detailed notes. They take every test. They stick to their diets and aren’t loud and aggressive. They are more self-disciplined than a black-belted ninja.
As for my neighbor, I guess he didn’t read the Gemara I just told you. And if he did he probably didn’t get it. Oh well, at least I’m moving out soon.
Rabbi Bailey
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