The Famous Guy that Sits Next to Me Every Day

There’s a bit of a tumult going on over here in Israel right now. No, it’s nothing with the Prime Minister or foreign affairs. It has to do with a new Israeli music sensation Yonatan Razel.


Razel is an Orthodox Jew and lives in the hippyish Nachlaot neighborhood in Jerusalem and, though he wears more standard black & white when he studies in our Kollel, knows how to dress tastefully and fittingly for his performances. And, it turns out, he sits five feet away from me every morning at my ordination program. Cool right?


I spent a few minutes during lunch one day interviewing him for the blog. We sat on a bench and, after I poured him some raspberry iced tea, he started talking. “I always liked classical music when I was young,” he says with only a mild Israeli accent. “I took music in high school and got a degree from the Rubin Academy of Music in Jerusalem. I play the piano, cello, guitar...I am a conductor really,” he says with a jolly laugh and big smile.


Razel conducted in the Ra’nanah orchestra, played in the IDF band, and the Israel Chamber Orchestra. In fact he’s played in Australia, Ukraine, and in New York. He regularly goes to Ukraine to teach music and Judaism to young Jews and he even played in the philharmonic in Moscow, too. But his biggest achievement is that he’s been nominated for the Song of the Year here in Israel. A religious Jew singing about Israel, using sentences about G-d and Torah just might win Song of the Year over here. Unprecedented. Not bad, huh?


But what does this have to do with The Seven Ways? A lot really, and I'll show you why. It all has to do with personality.


Thank G-d, there has been a huge Torah study boom in recent years. An unprecedented number of people are studying Torah on a daily basis and it’s truly awesome. But we’ve reached Stage 2, I believe. In Stage 2, after we’ve established Torah in our lives, we have to look at our personalities and see how we can use them properly to further enhance our lives and our potential. In other words, if you are a Later Chesed and you’ve established Torah in your life and you attend a Yeshiva, maybe you can use your organizational skills to arrange the books in the study hall. If you are a Hod maybe you can handle tutoring people younger than you in addition to your daily Torah and Mitzvos. If you are a Tiferes you should sprinkle Tiferes things into your life.



Yonatan Razel does Tiferes things. He composes, he sings, he performs. So while he learns with us in the morning (and at night and on Shabbis, he told me later) and he uses his G-d given talents to spread joy and happiness throughout the world. He spreads heartfelt music, he teaches, and he spices up our world. That's a Tiferes who's excelling in Stage 1 and Stage 2.



And I know he’s a Tiferes because he’s got the Tiferes sense of humor. One time Stevie Wonder came to Israel and a bunch of people threw him a surprise party. At the party, Razel did a fabulous imitation of the pianist that exactly captured his musical tone and body movements. Stevie loved it.


So a Tiferes that’s learning Torah and keeping Mitzvos *and* using his G-d-given talents to make the world a more colorful place is a Tiferes that’s doing the right thing. That’s why the Seven Ways can help you and the rest of the world. It helps you figure out who you are and what you can do with yourself to maximize your potential. If you maximize your potential you can help the world in so many more ways. And if others maximize their potential you just might end up sitting next to the winner of the Song of the Year, too. Wouldn't that be sweet?


To listen to Razel go to iTunes, order his new CD “All in All” “Sach HaKol” from a CD company, or watch him on one of those video tubes on-line if you know what I mean ;-) . For more info if you speak English Google "Yonatan Razel" and for Hebrew http://he.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D7%99%D7%95%D7%A0%D7%AA%D7%9F_%D7%A8%D7%96%D7%90%D7%9C )



Coming up the next two weeks (G-d willing): “My New Mentor the Yisod” and an emotional story about a boy and his Netzach teacher.

How My Pants Got Sliced: A Journey Into The World of a Chesed

I walk into a dry cleaner and approach the counter. I won’t tell you which one because of the story that I’m about to tell you. The man working behind the counter is not an observant Jew like myself (at least not yet anyway) but he comes from a community that respects rabbis and Judaism. I can tell because he has no yarmulke on but dozens of pictures of rabbis on the wall behind him and he always gives me a hearty ‘Shkoyach’ to me when I leave the store. (Shkoyach is a shortened version of ‘Yasher Koach’ the blessing/comment that people give you when you descend from reading the Torah.)


“Hi,” I say to the man behind the counter with a smile. “Remember me? I got a delivery right before Pesach and something happened to the pants.”


I toss a pair of black suit pants on the counter. He lifts them up and looks at me through a hole in between the pant legs.


“So what do we do?” I ask politely.


“No, no, this can’t be. Are you sure you didn’t do this to the pants?” I can hear frustration building in his voice.


“I’m positive,” I reply confidently. “My wife and I *always* check our stuff before we give it in.”


“Look, we can sew it!” he tells me.


“No we can’t because look it’s not on the seam. Believe me, my wife is a seamstress. These pants are done. It clearly got ripped from something metal, I couldn’t do this with my foot,” I say pointing to the large, long rip. “And I got them right before Pesach so I was out a suit the whole holiday—and I was officiating at a Shul the whole time! It’s my only black suit, really, so what can you do for me?”


“Listen,” he says *very* seriously. “We did a few thousand suits here and not one got ruined.”


We had a firm give and take for about five more minutes and then he said something that shocked me.


“We must go to the rabbi!”


“What?” I said, doing a double take.


“Yes, yes, we must go to the rabbi.”


I was so shocked I just agreed and left. Go to a rabbi? Of course that’s the right thing to do!

I did a lot of thinking about that whole exchange. What would compel a non-observant person to go to a religious court? Ok, he has rabbis on the wall but when in comes to money there are many people who would just toss me out of their store or deny having ripped the pants. Which rabbi should I take him to? Why don’t I have a back-up black suit? Why did I let my friend give me that tan-colored suit at the end of my closet?


But seriously, why would he want to go to a religious court? And why is he so upset about the rip? Doesn’t this happen all the time? The answer, my friend, is as simple as the first of the Seven Ways.


The dry cleaner is a Later Chesed* person. He comes to work day in and day out and tries his best to do a perfect job. He wants to be dependable and trustworthy and prides himself on his good work. He got so upset not because he’s afraid to lose bit of cash and not because he thought I was saying his work was awful. He was upset because he wants to do a good job. And he is willing to go to a religious court because he wants to do the right thing. He wants to have a wise middle man make the decisions and make peace with his customers. The ‘right thing’ is the hallmark of a healthy Later Chesed.


So after a wild goose chase that included R’ Zalman Nechemia Goldberg, a couple of rabbis from a local seminary and my Rosh Kollel HaRav Yitzchak Berkovitz (ask me about it the next time I speak to you) the dry cleaner accepted the P’sak (Jewish law decision) to give me credit at his store. Jewish law states that a damager must pay for the depreciation in value that he caused the given object through his damaging. My pants went from being worth $10 on the market to about $0. He gave me much more than that in credit. So as far as I was concerned that was a great deal because those pants were on their last legs anyway.



So whenever you go out shopping or you sell things to people, try and do the right thing. Being obstinate and pushy to try and save a few bucks is useless—you’ll just lose a lot more money and customers in the process. Just be patient and do the extra work when it’s necessary.


As for me, I’m finally getting a new suit this week. Just in case, maybe I’ll get two. Or maybe I should dye the tan one in the corner? But what if my friend asks me where it is? If he does I guess I’ll just tell him the story.

Rabbi Bailey

*A Later Chesed is someone who has Chesed as their primary personality and Gevurah, Tiferes, Netzach, Hod, Yisod or Malchus as their secondary one. Earlier Cheseds have Chesed as their secondary.

From Anonymous

Anonymous said...

"interesting as i own a shop and what you have stated here had a very true ring.

sls"

Yes, sls is right. If you want to be successful in business it pays to do Yisod acts and make Yisod relationships just like in my last post. My family owns a grocery store and my uncle wisely spends a good amount of his busy day being friendly and making real relationships with people. Not ‘slap you on the back and pretend I’m your friend’ relationships but real relationships and everyone wins. My uncle sells them the food they want and they have their own businesses and connections to contribute. It’s a win-win situation.

Thanks for the great comment, they're always welcome!

Yisod #2 and How I Got To Punches Number 5 & 6

I promised you a positive Yisod story so here's how it goes.


I walk into a bagel shop and approach the counter. The shop is very clean and is decorated with deep red colors. I see someone behind the counter who I’ve never seen before and, from the lack of employees behind the counter, it appears that he’ll be helping me today.


“Hi, what’s your name?” I say with a big smile.


“Jason*,” he says back a bit timidly.


“Hi, Jason it’s nice to meet you, are you new here?”


“Yes, it’s my first day.”


“Really, how’s it been so far?”


“Well, you’re my first customer!”


“Really, wow!”



I slowly and clearly tell Jason what I want, he makes it, and I leave with a warm ‘thank you.’



But that’s not the end of the story; otherwise it would be more of a simple Hod story and not a Yisod one. Yes, it’s good to be Hod and nice and polite, but there’s a Yisod lesson here, too.



When I got home I realized that I forgot to stamp my bagel card, y’know one of those ‘buy 10 get one free’ cards? Now, I know that it sounds ridiculously silly, and, to be honest, I’ve never met anyone who has stamped 10 stamps on their card and got a free bagel, but *I* believe that *I’m* going to be that one. I believe that in my year left in Israel I’ll get to #10 and throw a party. When I get that 10th bagel I’ll invite my colleagues over and we’ll each split the holy bagel and dance for joy that someone, just someone got something for free. Considering that I have 4/10 I like the odds.



But anyway, since I pass by that store very often I decide to go in and try and salvage my two stamps.



I come in and see Jason off to the left side *deep* in a phone call and another man right behind the counter in front of me.



I wave over to Jason and he pauses his conversation and comes over. I say to him and the other man, “Hi, I was here last week and I forgot to stamp my bagel card, remember me?” Jason nods. I jump for joy. Unfortunately, Jason doesn’t share in my enthusiasm. He’s much more interested in his *deep* phone call. But that’s ok; I’m one step closer to my free bagel party with stamp numbers 5 and 6. And all because I was interactive with someone and made a concerted effort to make a friend. It may have been a casual friend, but a friend indeed. I did an act of Yisod.



This type of friendliness comes directly from Yosef (who is called Yisod by the Zohar Vayikra 103b). After Yosef was chucked into in prison, he soon found himself in charge of the place. When he saw two distraught inmates, the king’s former bartender and baker, he didn’t ignore them and hope that they wouldn’t unload their problems on him. He asked them “Why do your faces look so bad today? (Genesis 6-7).

Think about it: Yosef is the head of the inmates, he’s in charge, he doesn’t have to speak to them. He could have viewed them as “lowly” inmates. But he chooses to ask them how they are, just like I asked Jason how he was, and they proceeded to tell Yosef that they are distraught over dreams they had the night before. Yosef then interprets their dreams and, later, after the bartender gets his old job back he’s able to tell Paroh about Yosef’s dream interpreting skills and Yosef is consequently saved from life in prison.



Being polite and making friends, even casual friends, pays off. When we work together and find out each other’s abilities and needs we are able to make the world run more efficiently. These two stories show how the initiator, namely me and Yosef, can benefit from the Yisod acts. But it could have been the other way around. Maybe Jason could have accidentally given me too much change and remembered me the next time I came in. I could have saved him from being fired from his job by giving the money back. It’s all the same idea. Interact, be friendly, and work together.



As for me, I’m going to stop by the bagel shop soon to get numbers 7 and 8 from my new friend Jason. As for you, the next time you see someone working hard behind a counter ask them their name or how their doing. In the end, you’ll both benefit from Yisod of it.



*All names have been changed to protect the innocent

How Heimishe is too Heimishe?

It was Thursday night and my wife and I were thoroughly wiped after our weekly grocery shopping. Suddenly, my wife turns to me and smiles and says that she wants to take me out to a nice restaurant for dinner. A pleasant surprise. I excitedly accept and, after I throw on a nice shirt and pants, we make our way to the restaurant.


When we get there, we see that the place is packed but we manage to secure a table. Unfortunately, it’s in the middle of the room. As we sit down, we see a couple sitting at the table next to us. Their table is *really* close to ours, but there’s a chair’s length separating us from them. Well, until their friend sat down.


Let’s call him ‘Friend.’ Friend sits down and proceeds to drink most of a bottle of wine and a few beers and he becomes what I would call *too heimishe*. Heimishe is a Yiddish word that means ‘homey’ ‘friendly’ ‘warm’ and ‘cozy’ all at the same time. When someone is being fed warm tasty food by his grandmother in her kitchen *that’s* heimishe. I can see Friend crossing the heimishe finish line and he soon plops down on a pedestal marked ‘too heimishe’.


Being the good husband that I try to be, I ignore Friend and focus all of my attention on my wife. I ignore his singing of fun folk songs and yelling at his friends across the restaurant. I politely decline when he offers me some of his dinner. After I finish my warm tasty food I escape to the bathroom to get a break from the guy.


When I return, I see my wife giving Friend a piece of her mind. Go wife! Apparently, when I was in deep concentration and conversation with my wife Friend had put his arm around me on the back of my chair and had a good laugh about it with his couple-friends. My wife took the job of calling him on his over-heimishness. He got real somber and looked at me like a sad puppy dog and apologized and said he was acting childish. We left.



Listen, the whole story is a bit humorous and I myself smile as I write about the whole thing. I wasn’t even so upset at the time. And I can’t say that a couple of my friends in high school didn’t do the same thing. They did. But I see a big difference. When they did it, they did it to people they knew and stopped when it got to be too heimishe. I think that Friend is crossing the line a little bit.


Here’s my main point from this whole thing. Going to a nice restaurant isn’t going to camp, it’s real life. It’s not a school cafeteria. If this heimishe guy went to a real life Indian restaurant full of polite and kind non-Jewish Indians would he be overly heimishe with them? Would he offer them food and yell across the restaurant? I doubt it.


I think that haimishness is good in our tight knit communities when it comes to helping one another when we're sick or finding people to marry. I can see the benefit behind having a neighbor to lean on when you're not strong or when your wife just gave birth. But do we need to drag our haimishness to fancy restaurants with us? We should try and use our closeness to help others not to pry for information. We should use our haimishness to feed the poor not the guy next to us at a restaurant ;-) !



I would say that being overly heimishe is a violation of Yisod. Yisod people are by far the best networkers; they know lots of people and love connecting them together. They like to make new friends and thrive on the synergy of interacting with others. But to be too heimishe and overstep your boundaries is a sharp violation of what Yisod people stand for.



I sure hope this guy wasn’t a Yisod because if he was he for sure wasn’t following on the footsteps of Yosef, Ya’akov’s famous son who is identified (Zohar Vayikra 103b) as being Yisod. Yosef did things right



In fact, next week I’ll give you a story that captures the essence of the good side of Yisod. Until then, be heimishe when it counts and focus all of your attention on your friends and your wife when you go out to dinner. They deserve it.