As you probably can figure out, getting good Love, Dates and Marriages depends a great deal on getting the right two personalities together.
It's like weaving a tapestry with similar threads so that the colors look good together.
It's like putting a crisp white sail on a cobalt blue sailboat; things need to be complementary and work well together.
It's like trying to get a horse and a mule to pull a cart together...well..that wasn't so romantic but my father-in-law the Netzach says it all the time so it must be wisdom! That's what happens when the personalities clash, but let's save that for later in the blog!
In honor of Tu B'Av, the 15th of Av when the maidens would borrow gorgeous white clothing and go (appropriately mind you) dance for the men and many matches were made (See Gemara Taanis at the end) let's get a little bit into Love and Marriage.
If you are setting two people up for marriage, you need to have two personalities that mesh. Imagine two Hods working together to help others, like in the post I made "Meet the Hods" or even a Hod and Netzach getting along. They are all people who are caring and want to help others. They go well together.
And a Yisod and Tiferes? Gold. Love each other. Each one respects the other and doesn't give 'em a hard time. A Malchus and Gevurah? That can for sure work pretty often. They both are serious people who are tough-minded. I always tell Tifereses to try and marry Hods, they will be supportive of the Tifereses unique view of the world and their fluctuating schedule when they are creating.
Of course secondary middos can change things, like a Yisod-Gevurah and a Tiferes-Hod will rub each other the wrong way usually. Or if that Malchus is a Malchus-Hod he may not want to wed a Gevurah-Gevurah or a Gevurah-Malchus. But let's stick with the primary middos and save the more complicated stuff for the book.
Cheseds can get along great because they think alike, you just have to look at their second middos to see if they'll go well together. Chesed-Tiferes and Chesed-Hod? Good stuff. But a Chesed-Tiferes and a Chesed-Gevurah? That is not recommended so much......
So if you are a true shadchan (or as my still single friend calls them "Shotgun") or amateur matchmakers: studyup!* The Seven Ways makes this whole process much easier. Think about who you know. What is their personality?
Complementary personalities are great and similar ones work very well, too. But extreme opposites and people who really detract from each other, I mean like hurt each other and step on each other's toes (maybe smash their toes is better verb) should not be set up. If you or your friend have had a really bad date, it probably had to do with the personalities involved.
Of course you have to use your brain and check out who you are setting up on many more levels (if they have a way to support themselves, character traits like generosity and anger), but the Seven Ways guidelines for matches can get people better dates and help marriages even. But I guess marriage is destined for a future blog!
Rabbi B
*These two words are intentionally put together for all you grammar lovers, but any other constructive caring advice is always welcome.
